Worried Mommy

From Michelle:

Warning: this is an emotionally written post, that is filled with medical jargon. Please pray for clarity and wisdom for Brent, Abby's doctors and myself. Please pray also for healing for Abby, Avalon and Hannah Grace.

Abby is starting to have headaches again, more frequently and pretty intense. In the past, Abby's headaches were caused by either severe anemia or pseudotumor cerebri (increased pressure in her skull, that mimics a brain tumor). Pseudotumor cerebri left untreated can cause brain damage and blindness. Adults who have experienced it tell me that it is unbelievably painful.

Cancer moms know that patients who relapse can also complain of headaches, if the cancer cells multiply in the cerebral cortex. I "know" that in my head, but my heart can't even go there for an instant.

Normally surgeons embed a shunt that drains excess fluid off of your brain and into your abdomen. Abby's doctors will not do this surgery on Abby, because it would drain off the chemo that is necessary to destroy the cancer cells still in Abby's body. Things would have to be very bad before they will consider this surgery.

Abby's problem is most likely caused by the chemo, Methotrexate. Abby is only getting half the amount she needs to fight her cancer. Her doctors have been gradually increasing the dose, hoping to get it up to the recommended dose soon. Unfortunately, as the dose has increase, so have Abby's headaches. Abby's headaches are not as bad as they were in the past, but the intensity is climbing.

In the past, the medicine that is used to treat Pseudotumor cerebri caused Abby to throw-up approximately 30 times a day and have horrible diarrhea. This caused her to be so malnourished they placed a gastric tube, so she could be tube feed through the night. Then the gastric tube site became infected and nearly killed her. Her docs thought we would lose her but God had a different plan.

So that one little phrase, "Mommy, I have a bad headache", uttered from Abby's sweet little lips, opens the floodgates and the memories pour in.

I have debated for weeks about writing about this. It feels weird to write about Abby's headaches when a dear friend of mine has a daughter who is dealing with so much more. Avalon has been dealing with Pseudotumor cerebri for years, caused by the chemo used to fight her leukemia. Because of a doctor's horrible mistake (dropped the shunt during surgery and it sunk deep into her brain), she has needed 2 brain surgeries in the last couple of weeks. Now her doctors are debating about performing a surgery that done one way will leave her permanently mute and the other way will leave her paralyzed. Her mother is asking for your prayers.

I have been following another little girl's story, Hannah Grace. Hannah Grace was recently diagnosed with leukemia. She has had seizures, strokes in her brain stem and Pseudotumor cerebri (which was surgically corrected with a shunt). Hannah is currently in ICU, on a ventilator.

Would you please pray for Abby, Avalon and Hannah Grace?

I am not sure why I picked this picture tonight. It is of Abby, at four months old, taken on the first day I met her in Guatemala City. Sweet Abby trusted me from the moment she met me. I don't want to do anything to let her down.